Arceanity and You

So, I think we're all aware of the fact that the Pokémon World has a religion. This is due to the church you can find in Hearthome City in Gen 4. I am here to propose that this religion is Arceanity.

Arceanity is the worship of our Lord and Saviour Arceus, who fainted for your sins on the battlefield in a fight against Giratina for the whole of the Hall of Origin. With the help of his two other gods, Dialga and Palkia, he defeated Giratina and sent him to the Distortion World. Arceus then wrote the Book of Arceanity, which details the events from when Arceus created the world and the Pokémon and humans, to foretelling the day Arceus will descend from the Hall of Origin and gather all of the Arceans to return with him to the Hall of Origins. And send all of the unbelievers to the Distortion World. Religion of peace, people. The core idea of Arceanity is to achieve greater self confidence, and to convert as many people as possible. For every person you convert, you get a free continental breakfast in the Hall of Origin. When perfect self-confidence has been attained, one can achieve enlightenment through the disconnection of material things. By helping yourself, you also help others. Somehow.

There are also multiple branches of Arceanity, too! Eight in total, these branches consist of:

Dialgism- Dialgism is a branch that incorporates the basic idea of self-bettering, and the additional teachings of the god Dialga. Dialga teaches that time is important, and if you learn to master use of your own time, then enlightenment is just one step away. By mastering your time, you can lose all sense of stress and fear.

Palkianism- A Palkian understands their place in the universe. By learning how to accept your own insignificance, you can raise yourself to a form existence greater than that of those around you. Sounds a bit contradictory, but it only makes sense to a Palkian.

Giratinism- A Giratinst worships the antithesis of matter and emotion, the Dark Lord Giratina. By causing destruction and chaos, it allows to make way for a master race of new, perfect life forms. There is major debate as to whether or not this is a true branch of Arceanity, but the Book of Arceanity states that it is. Therefore, we must treat it as such.[/color][/u]

Mewism- A Mewist believes that our Lord Arceus created Mew as a direct way to influence the people for the better. A Mewist believes in self-independence and that life is a game of fun and chance. The universe is one big playground.

Uxieism- Uxians acknowledge that knowledge is the most powerful weapon of all time. By understanding the universe, it paves the way for self-confidence. By knowing everything, nothing can stop you.

Mespritism- Mespritans believe that emotions can conquer everything. If you can master your own emotions and hopes, then you can manipulate the world to your will. It's also said that Arceus favors this branch above all, but that is mere speculation.

Azelism- An Azelist knows that you can never give up. Determination and courage are the two major parts of confidence. However, fearlessness and foolhardiness are two different things. Even the most devout Azelist realizes this.

Now, you might ask, "Which branch of Arceanity is best for me? Is Arceanity is even the right religion for me?" As the book of Sinnoh says, chapter 8:22: "He who hesitates is lost. Enlightenment shall come to one who can HURRY THE HELL UP WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR DECISIONS!" Or, if you need further convincing, the book of Anistar, 13:2, states: "Your lord Arceus awaits your arrival. For a limited time only, he is giving out free Subway gift cards. Arceanity is a loving, well-meaning religion. Unless we're talking about Rayquism. Such scum does not deserve to be in our sight."

Please, come to your senses and open your eyes. Your Lord and Saviour Arceus awaits for your arrival. And if not, THE GATORIAN EMPIRE WILL FORCE YOU TO! HAIL ARCEUS! ALL UNBELIEVERS WILL BE ERADICATED!


NOTE: THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND PARODY. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE MEANT IN A PURELY FICTITIOUS AND HUMOUROUS MANNER.

Yupp, we're scum. But still better than you.

XD brilliant DF

...I helped

Those who do not believe in the one true way shall be ban!

...Well this is awkward

This is absolutely brilliant! I concur   

My Giratina! D:

Hmmm, I have a mixture of the mindsets of Mewism and Uxieism. Yup. Now which to join...ENLIGHTEN ME, ARCEUS.

...

Mewism it is xD That probably fits my own personal beliefs the best overall. Though....knowledge is the most powerful weapon of all time, however it's easily as powerful as it is dangerous. Though that sounds fun, I think I'm Mewist.

Arceanity is a lie. All hail the helix fossil!

http://churchofhelix.com/
http://askhelixfossil.com/